'Tis the Season

. . . for some small part of nearly everything.

The season for reflection -- pondering the year just past could consume another year! What an amazing year (actually, fantastic lifetime) this has been. Recent conversations have brought so many memories to the surface, have shaped so many unexpected hopes and wishes, and, as usual, have highlighted so many shortcomings. Seemingly random encounters open virtual storehouses of thoughts, each of which could lead to its own dissertation or, conversely, could hit an immediate stone wall. Most of those will join a growing "To Do" list of both concrete and abstract self assignments. And of course, there will be the perpetual sense of hopefulness -- this year I'll really get organized, this year I'll really do things differently, this year I'll really make a dent in those good intentions!

The season for gratitude -- creating a list of the gifts of life, every size from petite to XXXXXL and beyond, is an endless task in and of itself. Most conversations, thoughts, and encounters seem to either focus on or somehow touch a deep well of gratitude for all the marvelous gifts I've been given: my family, my friends, countless opportunities, new horizons, all the seemingly accidental encounters and even dumb luck which have moved me through a virtual dictionary of emotions. And for each of them I am a deeply grateful.

The season for renewal -- renovating and refurbishing the various compartments of my brain is a never ending task. This season brings new emphasis and concern to the work. For some unexplored reason the holiday season always tucks this two-sided coin in my mental stocking: Joy and delight at all the wonders and a bit of wistfulness about the "roads not taken." And for every item on my mental punch list as I take occupancy of this House of 2009 (how can that be?) there will be a stronger sense of reality and urgency to get on with the job, whether interior decoration or external landscaping!

The season for regrets -- examining and bringing reality to the mistakes, lost opportunities, poor decisions, and general oooops, whether of 2008 or the accumulations of a lifetime. To paraphrase one of the British poets, distance does not lend enchantment to this view! I'm grateful for the lesson learned from an acquaintance some years past, a psychotherapist whose work with "women of a certain age" was beginning to hit the best sellers list of the time. She said that the difference between guilt and regret is that regret indicates you've learned something and now know how to act/interact differently. Guilt means you intended to hurt/harm another or yourself and may continue to do so. And though I wish to keep the regrets to a minimum in this season, I would fervently wish to eliminate the times when "I'm sorry" is caused by guilt.

The season for resolutions (and a few promises!) -- determining the most relevant changes and being constant and steadfast in bringing them about is such a global resolution. Yet I do know that I can change only myself, even as I wish I could bring positive change into and for the lives of others. Creating those ripples of new horizons for the lives I touch is a big resolution for this coming year. I will continue to make all the little promises which can help that happen.

It's a major season for me, my brain, and my heart. As we began this journey nearly a year ago now -- who'd have thought it would look and be like this? -- I had no idea where we'd go, what we'd see, who we'd meet. It's been an absolutely incredible adventure -- a magical triumvirate of people, places, and events. I must say, I can hardly wait to see what 2009 will bring, what the season's musings will bring about. I do hope you'll join me in the discoveries!