Eye Contact

A comment was made at supper last week by one of my new Aussie friends about the difficult time she was having meeting "available" men. There was, of course, quite a detailed discussion about why that might be. She's traveled in many countries, and this seemed to be a "local" phenomenon. The best answer we could come up with collectively is that it has something to do with lack of eye contact.

Now I must admit I wasn't terribly involved in that discussion other than some active listening. But it did make me much more aware of interactions with others each day, all day. Two other events during the week made me even more aware of how easy it is to see "our" way of doing things as the right way, which of course puts everyone else in the position of being wrong, whether they are members of our own culture or not. So I've been on a research project of my own the past few days.

There are two things I especially enjoy about riding the tram: watching the buildings/architecture/neighborhoods and watching the people. It is fascinating to see the shifts -- no eye contact -- as each stop approaches. Who's getting off? Who's targeting the next available empty seat? Who's resigned to staying in place? I'd say I'm about at 95% for correct guesses, maybe even a bit higher. Then there's the surge out and the onslaught in. Eye contact goes up just a bit. Can I get that person to move over? Is this the best place for me to stand? Where do I have the best chance of snagging a seat at the next stop?

A very noticeable cultural difference between being on public transportation in Prague and American cities I've experienced is how common it is for people of all ages to offer a seat to another person who is older, having more difficulty getting around, or just seems to need it. This difference was actually stunning when I first arrived. And here is where the eye contact goes way up! "Please, take this seat." "Thank you for offering your seat." Face-to-face, eye to eye. Usually accompanied by a verbal please and thank you. (Eye contact is absolutely nonexistent when there's no intention whatsoever of getting up!)

Young children seek and hold eye contact; teenagers avoid it. Young couples maintain eye contact with each other to the exclusion of the rest of the world -- a pretty universal tradition. And watching their eyes is a good way gauge the joy/peace factor in long-term couples.

Back to the Aussie's question. What's the cultural norm for eye contact in Prague? (And I surely wouldn't be foolish enough to generalize this for everyone here or everywhere in the Czech Republic.) I think it feels right/better to do much less of it than I'm used to. Eyes down or looking into the distance seems to be the better action. I wish I knew if it's seeking/providing privacy, if it's about protecting oneself from others, or just a learned behavior.

I'll continue my "research." And I will continue to sneak a glance. At the same time, I'll try to see as much as possible, miss as little as possible, and grab every opportunity to connect when possible.